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Happy New Years Pizza

new years pizza

If the only Happy New years message you got this year is from Domino’s pizza then you need to make a new year’s resolution to make more friends in 2015.

If on the other hand you spent all of last partying and you feel like death warmed up today, then the only hangover cure you can rely on is a warmed up pizza! Why bother cooking or even getting out of bed when you can just dial Domino’s and have them bring you a comforting cheesy pizza. Start 2015 the way you intend to continue it, with plenty of delicious pizza.

If you ask them nicely I am sure they staff will arrange the pepperoni on your new years pizza to say 2015!

 

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Pizza Xmas Trees

pizza xmas tree

It’s that time of year again. The time when people make Christmas tree shaped pizzas. The one above is from an Italian eatery called Lavo in New York City.

“The chefs are in the holiday spirit!” the restaurant posted to Instagram on Thursday, along with the photo above.

And other restaurants and people all over the country are doing the same thing. Bravo i say. I especially like the yellow pepper star on this one below.
pizza xmas 2

 

I think it would be even more festive if these pizza Xmas trees and Christmas toppings. My ideal Xmas pizza would have shredded roast turkey, grated chestnuts, mozzarella, cranberry sauce and sliced ham. No brussel sprouts tho’ cos that ‘aint how I roll, ya feel?

Pizzas are good anytime of year but some jive turkeys want us to eat other stuff on Christmas. That’s why pizza Xmas trees are awesome, because they show the man that everyday is pizza day. Even Jesus Christ would want pizza on his birthday for sure!

pizza xmas

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Doritos Pizza – Stoners Dream Comes True

doritos pizza crust

What next, Mountain dew flavor cheese? Pizza Hut have been trying to rebrand themselves recently to look suave and chic, like some old timey Italian place, but they haven’t fooled us. At least Domino’s are consistent in their branding. They make big old dirty American style pizzas with tons of meat and cheese on top. If anyone thought Pizza Hut had turned over a new leaf, they will be surprised to learn about the new Doritos pizza crusts.

Its the kind of thing a stoner would invent. “Hey dude, why don’t we, like, sprinkle bits of Doritos on the crust to make it super crunchy?” What have the pizza hut research and development guys been smoking? This is like a pizza Shaggy and Scooby would make. So now you can have any Pizza Hut pizza converted into a crunchy Doritos Pizza crust. Is this what the Italians imagined would happen to their beloved cuisine when it became popular in America?

If you want chips on a pizza, why not just buy your own and sprinkle them on yourself, you don’t have to be Gordon Ramsey to figure out that culinary skill. I prefer Domino’s to PIzza Hut anyway, at least they are honest about their pizzas not being fancy!

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Dumb Mind-Reading Pizza App

pizza app

 

This is a totally stupid gimmick that Pizza-Hut have come up with. They have teamed up with a company called Tobii Technology, to make a mind reading pizza app which follows your eye movements to detect what you want to have on your pizza.

There are pictures of different types of toppings and the app detects which toppings you looked at for the longest then puts these on your pizza. This is totally dumb for the following reasons:

  • What if I don’t know what the topping image is so I stare at it too long?
  • What if I look at the gross ingredients longer because I am captivated by their grossness?
  • What if I am cross eyed?
  • If I am just selecting them with my eyes, how is that better than using my fingers or mouth?
  • What if i stare at each ingredient for an equal amount of time?

These are the questions I would have thought they would consider prior to development, but here we are with a dumb mind reading pizza app. Tobii Technology say that 98% of users in testing were satisfied with the pizza that it chose for them. Where did they find those test subjects?

Check out the promo video below, complete with cool indie hipster music. Wow, they read my mind man.

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Old Italians Hate Pizza Hut!

hate pizza hut

There’s a huge disparity between what you get at Pizza Hut and what you get in Southern Italy. For some reason, Pizza Hut thought it was a good idea to advertise their pizzas by interviewing old Italian people who hate pizza hut. The ad campaign is called “flavor of now” and pokes fun and how much Americans have changed the Italian classic by adding unconventional ingredients such as “honey sriracha” sauce.

Italians are quite traditional folks and don’t take kindly to having their national institutions meddled with by American corporations. All of the old people in the ad seem disgruntled and unimpressed by Pizza Hut’s offerings. They are also asked to share their thoughts on some other youth crazes such as jeggings, EDM and Pizza Hut’s new mobile ordering site, none of which were of interest to them.

This is quite a “truthful” ad, because rather than falsely claiming to have an authentic flavor, as many pizza chains do, they admit that their pizzas are nothing like the original Italians’ and poke fun at their own brand in the process. This kind of honest advertising may win over new customers. Who knows, maybe some of them will be old Italians too?

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Domestic Violence Victim calls 911, Pretends to Order Pizza

pizza 911

 

A clever woman figured out a way to call the police for help after being beaten by her boyfriend. She didn’t want her violent drunken boyfriend to know she was calling the police so she pretended she was ordering a pizza. This is one way to protect yourself from domestic violence.

“911, where is your emergency?”
“*** Main St.”
“Ok, what’s going on there?”
“I’d like to order a pizza for delivery.”
“Ma’am, you’ve reached 911.”
“Yeah, I know. Can I have a large with half pepperoni, half mushroom and peppers?”
“Ummm… I’m sorry, you know you’ve called 911 right?”
“Yeah, do you know how long it will be?”
“Ok, Ma’am, is everything ok over there? Do you have an emergency?”
“Yes, I do.”
“And you can’t talk about it because there’s someone in the room with you?” (moment of realisation)
“Yes, that’s correct. Do you know how long it will be?”
“I have an officer about a mile from your location. Are there any weapons in your house?”
“Nope.”
“Can you stay on the phone with me?”
“Nope. See you soon, thanks”

The operator revealed the turn of events on Reddit and said an officer was dispatched to the address and found the woman had been beaten up. The Reddit post also says:

“The officer arrives and finds a couple, female was kind of banged up and boyfriend was drunk,”
“Officer arrests him after she explains that the boyfriend had been beating her for a while.
“I thought she was pretty clever to use that trick. Definitely one of the most memorable calls.”

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Domino’s Employee “My supervisor’s name is go f*ck yourself!”

In the video above you can see the moment a disgruntled Domino’s employee loses it with a customer. The lady or her son accidentally ordered their pizza wrong and didn’t get the toppings they wanted.The son, named Eric Promenchenkel, says he received a pizza in Saginaw, Michigan, with light sauce instead of the white sauce he wanted. Rather than just dealing with it, they each called this Domino’s employee to try and get a free pizza or something, but he was not sympathetic. He hung up on them twice.

Things reached a head when Eric’s girlfriend’s mom went into the store to complain face to face. But the Domino’s employee points out, “It’s not my fault you guys didn’t order your pizza right.” Having asked his supervisor’s name, the simply replies: “My supervisor’s name is ‘Go F*** Yourself.’ Get the f*** out of here, you f****** r*****.”

It sounds like something from an episode of Trailer park Boys. Some reports say the man in the Domino’s uniform was the manager of the Michigan store. A statement from Domino’s read: “We are aware of the situation and have forwarded this to the local franchise owner. The franchise owner has since fired the store manager.

Domino’s said “We apologise for how poorly this reflects on our local stores and we assure you corrective action will be taken as the franchise owner determines.”

I sympathize with the poor manager. He probably doesn’t get paid much and doesn’t appreciate shrill women shrieking about toppings! He defended himself in an interview:

“I regret the language I used, but if people could see everything that happened, especially in the phone calls, they would not be sympathetic for this woman.”

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How to Reheat Pizza Properly

Everyone has their preferred method of reviving the clammy cheese and stale crust of last night’s pizza. Some folksare happy to microwave it and put up with soggy dough, while other prefer to grill it and risk drying the base out. Someone named Roberta has now created the definitive “How to reheat pizza” guide. It addresses both the crispiness of the dough and the moistness of the topping. All you need is a frying pan and a skillet lid. The use of water is very clever, I must say.

I have tried this guide and can confirm it works perfectly. The lazy pizza lovers will always be content to munch on last nights pizza while it’s still cold! That’s if there’s any leftover of course.

 

reheat pizza

How to Reheat Pizza Properly

So now you know! But seriously, who order a pizza and doesn’t eat it all in one night? Even if you’re by yourself, you can still make the effort and wolf it all down. Well, the guide was written by a girl, so perhaps that explains it.

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The Spiciest Pizza Ever

spiciest pizza ever

 

Would you try a pizza so spicy it could give you a heart attack? This is probably the spiciest pizza ever! The pizza which is 120 times spicier than a spicy vinadaloo curry, was wolfed down by food lover Emma Dalton in England in a record time of 3 minutes and 30 seconds. When she’s not eating ridiculously hot pizzas, Emma is an account manager.

“My nose was frozen and the whole of my lips had swollen up.” She said, adding “All around my mouth was bright pink and my eyes were streaming. I looked like a clown!”

The unbearable hotness is caused by 20 Trinidadian moruga scorpion chili peppers, which are hotter than police pepper spray and have been known to cause heart attacks and induce a drug like euphoric sensation. Emma doesn’t even like hot food, but she accepted the challenge anyways.

“It felt like my insides were being ripped out by a chainsaw.” she admitted.

Other customers taking on the “Death by Pizza”  challenge at Little Italy Pizza Company in Sleaford, Lincolnshire, have reported that the spiciest pizza ever can cause the tongue to bleed. The 12 inch pizzas can induce a strange dizzy sensation. I like my pizzas hot, but I think I’ll leave this to the professional eaters who love a challenge.

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$1200 Tip For Dominos Delivery Guy

dominos delivery tip

Lucky Domino’s Delivery driver

How much do you tip the Domino’s delivery guy? 10%? 20%? How about twelve hundred dollars? That’s what some generous folks at a college in Indiana gave to one lucky delivery dude. The generous gesture was a demonstration by Keith Newman, the CEO of Residential Education, who wanted to teach his 3,000 students to “Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone,” – A publicity stunt but a noble gesture nonetheless.

When the Domino’s delivery guy showed up, they gave him a check for $1,268 as well as some gift cards and inspirational notes from the students.The pizza guy, named James Gilpin, says he will use this extra cash to pay for Christmas presents for his two children that are five and six years old. Lucky kids! My parents didn’t spend that much on me! It’s a heartwarming story and I’m really happy for James Gilpin and his family.

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